dating · friendship · grief · relationships · Uncategorized · University

Is it fate?

Dear Katie,

Hello, It’s been  a while poptart. Don’t worry I still think of you everyday, I’ve just been crazy busy!

So, my uni love  got in contact recently. By uni love, I mean the guy I sort of dated on and off for three years, and by that I mean whenever we saw each other would snog each others face off… what a lovely way to say that! We left uni on the fact that we were going to meet up the next day after graduation ball where we decided we really liked each other. BUT he stood me up! He said his phone ran out of charge so he missed our meeting, and because he was in his work experience year in Houses of Parliament, it meant he didn’t have time to see me as he had to catch his train. I remember being really upset because well, it was third year and we both confessed we actually really liked each other! Whenever I saw him, I would always flock to him like a little sheep.  But I always held a little flame for him, but you know knew nothing would ever happen because he lived in Sunderland or Cornwall and the fact he’s a rubbish texter back all added in.


So We’d text a few times recently because he was the Lib Dem MP for Sunderland Hope and something and they’d put someone in his place on TV on the election night who had Paul’s hair and I shared this with him and had a little catch up. Then out of the blue.. Paul text me saying he was coming to Oxford and asked if we could meet up for coffee. I all of a sudden got the biggest butterflies and went very girly! (I really hope he doesn’t see this… that would be embarassing!)

It had been 7 years since I saw him. Loads of thoughts were going round my head.. is it going to be awkward, will we discuss what happened at uni between us, will we have a cheeky kiss, will he even like me in that way, what if he has a girlfriend… all these things! I realised from a “Let’s catch up” text to thinking all this stuff I just need to calm. down.

My mum was very excited about it…. she even face timed me from New Zealand!

So we met at the train station where it was so lovely to see him! It wasn’t awkward at all, and I showed him the sights of Oxford and it was really lovely. We caught up about old friends and uni times. It actually turns out he’s been offered a job in the town where I live!!!! From working in Sunderland all the way to Abingdon where I live!! I don’t know about you, but part of me thinks….Is this fate? Who knows! Ooh and another thing, we went for noodles and then after had fortune cookies. His read that he was going to go on a journey with a girl.

We wrapped up our evening with him offering to show me round houses of parliament,  (How Bridget Jones am I going to be in there.. I have to  be on my best behaviour!) a kiss on the cheek and a text from him saying he had an ace day and that we should go for a drink in one of the lovely pubs in Abingdon one day. Which I think is a very positive outcome.

So, who knows. *cringe alert* When I first saw Paul at uni, we were heading in the club for a night out and I saw him and thought “I must talk to him.” A drunken “Hello” when I saw him in the joint bathroomy- hand washy- area has now led to this and a uni background with him.

I’ll keep you updated, but… yeah… I’m pretty happy.


friendship · grief

It’s been a year….

Dear Katie,  

It’s been a year today since you were taken away from us.  I actually still can’t believe it you know. 

I just wanted to say that although you’re not with us anymore I’m never not going to forget you. I’m never not going to stop calling you my best friend and all that because you’re still a part of my life pop tart and you always will be. I hope you come visit me Patrick swayze ghost style soon.  That would be nice. 

I love and miss you every day pop tart.  xxxxxxxx


Deleting pof

Dear Katie,  

So I’m thinking about deleting my online dating profile. Not only was I getting weird messages, but Im getting desperate messages…. (This is just one example) 

Messages with guys who want to meet straight away (I don’t trust this), copied and pasted messages and finally… And the one I been thinking about a lot today.. Of this guy laughing at me 😦 

I hate the fact everyone else is getting good dates or boyfriends and I’m over here getting the weirdos and the desperate ones

 I just don’t know what I do. 





Dear Katie,  

I was chatting to this guy on pof. We had very similar interests.. He likes jazz and cocktails. Anyway he seemed nice. He made me a ‘favourite’ of his! He owns a bar/pub and invited me over for a drink next Saturday whilst there’s a jazz band. Pretty cool first date I thought!  

However.. he’s now ghosting me! What! I really don’t understand guys. If you don’t want to invite a girl for a drink….don’t!!! 

I told lily all about this and she went “I hate him, and I don’t even know him!” That’s friendship. 

Also,  maybe because I’ve told a few people i was talking to him.. yep.  I definitely am cursed.

I’m also thinking about deleting pof… I don’t think people take it seriously anymore. Today I received a message saying “fancy a nobbing.” I don’t know what made me more angry, that message or the fact he spelt knob wrong! 


friendship · grief

What if…

Dear Katie,  

It’s coming up to a year since your crash. Ive been thinking about your crash a few times a day recently. 

What’s really playing on my mind is this. What if you hadn’t cancelled on me that evening and we had planned our evening as it were. Would you still be here today? 

My councillor and friends say I can’t think like this because we just didn’t know that this was going to happen! But it’s been playing on my mind, but theres so many what ifs to that evening… what if you had gone a different route, what if you were a few minutes earlier/later, what if you stayed round marks, what if you came round mine, what if you hadn’t gone to work.. All these things. 

Part of me is not angry that you cancelled on me, more disappointed as we wouldn’t have seen each other for another 2 months after and I hadn’t seen you since April. And it just plays on my mind if you didn’t cancel would you still be here today? Would you have taken a different route to get to me thus avoiding your crash? 

But again I can’t think like that.